Honey, I'm home!

My my, it has been a while! Sorry about that, but I have been in hospital for an annoyingly long time. 

I have been in hospital for three weeks and now I'm trying to adjust to normal life. I was discharged  for the first time, last week, but then I spent the weekend throwing up and was right back in. If I'm honest though, that first weekend was tough. I just don't think I was mentally prepared for it. 

You see, I think you can become quite institutionalised in the hospital. They wake you up, bring you your medications in little cups (actually, they look like the little cups you can put ketchup in at McDonald's. Which is worrying). They bring you lunch, and more medication. They bring you tea. Then they bring you your final daily dose of medication at night and say goodnight to you. You don't have to take responsibility for it or think about it. When I came out, I suddenly had to do it all myself and I found it rather overwhelming! I felt like a ghost. A ghost who's life was about to revolve around taking medication! Of course, it didn't last long, for I was right back in hospital on Sunday because I couldn't stop vomiting! More on that some other time.

There's also something very undignified about being in hospital. My butt was hanging out of my gown, I had drains hanging from my neck and catheter hanging from...down there, like the worst burlesque act ever. A couple of times I had to use a commode, (if that is how it is spelt) and they are so awkward. I mean, I had a pretty shy bladder to begin with, but then they present you with a chair that basically has a paper bowl attached to it and expect you to use it as a toilet! Now, I don't know about you, but my parents spent quite a lot of time trying to teach me not to go to the toilet in chairs. So, for a nurse the present me with what is essentially a chair and tell me to do my business in it, goes against my natural urges! I've thrown up on myself quite a lot. A doctor pulled the curtain open while I was being strip washed. You just get used to it after a while.

It's been a frustrating time, because I went in feeling relatively well. I became ill after the op! My calcium levels have been up and down (that's a whole other blog entry!), another patient gave me her biscuits when she was discharged and they turned out to be TWO YEARS out of date and gave me food poisoning! I have been throwing up a lot and they didn't really know why. One afternoon I turned to my sister and asked her why my body wouldn't just behave. I had moments where I would just think to myself,"Come ON body! Power up!" I had to keep reminding myself that I'd had a major operation. I mean, they basically excavated my neck! It was taking a while to get back. The doctors were probably just as frustrated as I was. It can't be fun for the doctors when you're looking for answers and they just don't know. At one of my lowest points though, that amazing Cancer Research ad came on TV, and reminded me that I could kick this thing's ass!

I'm very proud of myself though. I have been exposed to needles thanks to endless blood tests and the injection they put in your stomach to prevent clotting or something. Actually, the needle in the stomach was worse than the blood tests and the nurses know it! I had one nurse come in and apologise for what she was about to do, and then tell me she had been trying to avoid it all afternoon! It hurts, and continues to hurt for a good while afterwards. Now when I have blood taken I just get on with it. I can even look right at it! Mind you, my veins have now had quite enough of your needles thank you very much! 

I still have a long way to go though. I have to go back to the hospital tomorrow for a blood test. Then on Wednesday I have a consultation at St. James hospital, so the next stage is rapidly approaching! 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some medication to choke down.