How things are at the moment

Not very exciting. There you go! All wrapped up! Just kidding, there's a few things to talk about. Time for some sub-headings! Progesterone-related chaos Well, not chaos. More like confusion and frustration. Anyway, when I was first prescribed progesterone, the pharmacy at the hospital could only give me a 30-day supply (something which I don't think the gynaecologists know about) Last week, one of the endocrine nurses called me and said that the endocrine doctor wanted to change the dosage of my thyroxine, but it meant that I needed to go get more thyroxine. I was 150mg and now I'm on 175mg. I've explained this before but, if you're new here then I'll explain again: thyroxine comes in packs of 100mg, 50mg, and 25mg. I only had 100mg and 50mg, so I needed to get a pack of 25mg. When I went to see a doctor and sort this out, I knew I was running low on progesterone so I asked for more to be prescribed. It was then that I found out that while there is a record of my initial consultation with a gynaecologist, there is no record of my second appointment with a gynaecologist. This means that there is nothing on the medical centre's system to say that I am on progesterone. The doctor I spoke to was looking at this letter and saying,"It doesn't say anything about progesterone here" and I had to explain that the letter he was looking at on his computer was from my initial appointment. I explained that the second appointment was back in August and honestly I felt slightly like I was being told off. I mean, I know I left it a while to get more progesterone, but I didn't know that nothing had been sent to the medical centre to say that a treatment plan was in place! So, he said that would need to call the gynaecologists and ask them because, although he trusted me, he still couldn't just prescribe the progesterone. I understood that, but even though I had seen that doctor on a Tuesday, I still hadn't heard by the end of the week, and I'd underestimated how much progesterone I had left. I ran out on Sunday. On Monday I called the medical centre to ask about it. I explained the whole thing to a receptionist who paused for ages and then said,"Riiiiiiight...I'll put you on a ring back with a GP." The GP I spoke to was not the one I had initially spoken to about the progesterone, but he was really nice. He said that they had not heard from the gynaecologist yet (not surprised by that) but he could prescribe me another 30-day supply just to tide me over. So, although it is a temporary solution, it is still a solution, and it's always nice to talk to a doctor who gets things done! He did say that no harm would have been done from missing a few doses but tell that to my hormones! My goodness! I have been lightly bleeding so far on the progesterone but the other day I had a full-on bleed and the pains came right back! Also my mouth is filled with ulcers. I didn't think the progesterone was making much of a difference, but I guess I was wrong! The bleeding and pain is wearing off but the mouth ulcers are just stubbornly being in my mouth! I have some stuff to put on the ulcers, but the pain has been making me pretty miserable. My problem with the gynaecologists is that I feel disconnected. With the thyroid stuff, I can call a specialist nurse or an endocrine nurse if I have any concerns or questions. I just don't feel like I have that with the gynaecologists. Everyone in the department is really nice and professional, but I just don't feel like I have the same relationship and level of interaction as I do with the specialist nurse and the endocrine nurses. Diet I have not been successful on cutting out caffeine or sugar. I really didn't want to admit that as I was bit embarrassed, but I also want to be honest with you. I have, however, tried to cut down. Some days I do better than others. Actually, I've done better with the caffeine recently as my stomach can no longer handle anything stronger than tea! A drink like Pepsi is pushing it. You see, when I was first diagnosed with endometriosis it was mimicking the symptoms of ovarian cancer (mostly pelvic pain and feeling full quickly when I ate) More recently however, it has been mimicking the symptoms of IBS. My stomach now rebels when I drink coffee. This is why endometriosis is fairly common but hard to diagnose-- it mimics other conditions. With the sugar, I have realised what I just find too sickly (dark orange chocolate for me, thanks), what leaves a really weird scratchy feeling on my throat, what hurts my jaw from all the chewing. Recently, because of my hormones going crazy and giving me a load of ulcers, I've had to lay off the sugar anyway. It wasn't easy, especially since I'd planned to eat a palmier during this week's episode of the Great British Bake Off, but my mouth was so sore that I just had to pay attention to that and make a sensible decision! Next, I am thinking of taking dairy out of my diet. My skin is so bad and I do wonder if dairy might be the trigger. I'm just a bit desperate. It may not be as bad as I think it is, but new ones are constantly popping up, and I am on yet another pill for it! well, it's antibiotic which I take once a day, and some benzoyl peroxide to put on my face as part of a SIX-POINT system in the morning (I wish I was exaggerating). Thinking of having a dairy-free October and seeing how it goes, but I am still thinking about it and researching it. It might just be that my hormones are still a bit crazy, and eventually the progesterone will settle and sort everything. In the meantime, I just want to try this. When I had to go on a low iodine diet, that was almost a month, so I'm trying to remember if it made a difference. I'm sure it wouldn't be instant, but I guess it couldn't hurt, either. If the antibiotic and the benzoyl peroxide don't work, we'll try a different pill and I'm just flipping sick of PILLS!! If I can find a way to fix the problem without a pill, I'll give it a go. The future Is a scary beast. It doesn't have to be, I know. It's just that I feel in a constant struggle between wanting to move forward in life, and being too scared to move forward in life. I just need to leap really, but I feel like I get close and then I go,"Eeep!" and step back again. However, I really want to be a singing teacher and I need to silence the voices that say I cannot, and the voices that say it is too scary. It is just difficult. ***************************************** That about wraps it up!

Life update

Pills, Pills, Pills A bit like that Destiny's Child song, but I'm talking about pills instead of bills. I feel like I am on a LOT of medication right now, and honestly it does get me down. I'm on thyroxine, alfalcalcidol, calcichews, progesterone, and as of today I am on something I don't remember the name of but it's for my crazy acnefied skin. I feel like it's all kind of necessary, but it's just annoying to have to factor all these pills into my day. Not only that, but I feel the progesterone is doing strange things to my body. I guess it just needs time to settle down but until then I'm feeling a bit miserable, not going to lie. I sometimes feel like I'm not in control of my own body, and that is not a nice feeling. Moving On With Life Or at least trying to! It's something I'm really struggling with. I do know that exciting things can happen when you say yes, or,"I'll do it!" without giving it a second thought, but it's difficult to say either those things when you've been through scary stuff. It's like being a in a tug-of-war with yourself where you really want to move forward but it's like this barrier goes up. The weird thing is, it's like I've out the barrier there. I've built a wall and then run into it! So, I'm trying to do things bit-by-bit. I have spoken to my singing teacher about becoming certified with the Institute of Vocal Advancement (same as her) and as a short-term goal I'm going to try and have ten consistent lessons with her, and also to learn the scales. I have time on my hands in which to do this! I want to be like a baby bird and just...Jump out of the nest and start flying! I Can't Believe It Is September! How strange. I'm going to make an almost-the-end-of-the-year resolution to stop being so hard on myself. I am my biggest critic and I make myself feel so bad about myself! I need to stop doing that! **************************************** That is all for now, I think! I thought I had more to say but apparently I don't! Will be back soon with a much more positive update, hopefully, but sometimes you just need to vent!