The great sugar and caffeine strike of 2014

Nothing like a bit of hyperbole, eh? It is pretty big to me, though. I was pretty gung ho about it all a couple of weeks, but these past few days I've been having my doubts. I just started to overthink it, which led to me over-complicating it. I started to think of all the things I would miss. What would I do when I wanted something sweet? What would I do when it's cold and I fancy a hot drink? Should I still drink fruit juice? Should I still eat jam? Not only that, but the different options of sweeteners, and things you could have instead of sweets are quite overwhelming. For instance, I was thinking that dried fruit was a great idea (so is normal fruit, but it does not always last long. Fruit can be annoying that way) When I was looking at the different types in the supermarket with my mum, today, I ended up saying to her,"I'm getting so confused!" I did get some dried raspberries in the end. Got my eye on some other fruits, too, but I thought that for now I should stick to a fruit which I know I like!

I just got into a bit of panic, really. Though I know I am doing it for a good reason. I decided I would eat whatever I want in Italy, and not start the sugar and caffeine strike till I got back. So, I did, and now I have a ton of mouth ulcers. I don't regret it, I had some seriously delicious gelato...Not to mention my beloved Miel Pops, the honey and hazelnut cereal I ate everyday! It just confirmed my suspicions. Looking back, a couple of people mentioned had mentioned this very thing-- sugary things caused their mouth ulcers. Really, I should have done this sooner, but maybe I was just in denial, or something. 

To make things easier, and less overwhelming, I felt like I should lay down some ground rules for myself:

1)Avoid processed things.

2)Avoid sweets, and cakey type things as much as possible (could probably stretch to a blueberry muffin)

3) No pop
4)DEFINITELY no chocolate! (Though I have been wondering about dark chocolate)

5)Honey is fine, but go easy on it. Maybe I shouldn't be starting everyday with some kind of honey-related cereal? I finished the stash of Miel Pops which I brought back from Italy, so it will not go to waste! 

So, I can still fruit and things (but not too much pure fruit juice, I've decided) I still have something I bought at a sugared almonds shop in Italy, but I will try and take my time with those. 

The caffeine thing is another thing I'd been enthusiastic about at first, but then began doubting this week. Mostly because I've drunk quite a lot of over the past few days. If it's gloomy and rainy outside, I just want to curl up with a warm drink. When I feel thirsty, I go into the kitchen, with every intention of going for something cold, but then I see the rain on the window and I turn the kettle on instead. That hot drink doesn't necessarily and have to be the cup of PG Tips I'd normally go for, though, and I'm trying to train myself out of thinking that it does need to be. I have started to drink peppermint and licorice tea after my evening meals. At first I was not sure, but it turned out to be delicious! It's a great drink to have after a meal, as well! Both peppermint and licorice are meant to be good for digestion, and it was sweet enough to satisfy that particular craving which you sometimes get after a meal. 

The main thing worrying me, with regard to giving up caffeine, was the possibility of withdrawal symptoms. I have experienced the irritability and headaches that can come from a lack of caffeine and it is not fun. I wasn't fun. I did look up some information about how to do it, and it does seem as though cutting gradually over the course of a few days, is a far better method than just going cold turkey. 

It's going to take so much discipline, and changing of mindsets. What I have to keep in mind, is that it is for my own good. I'm not following some crazy fad diet here. I'm trying to make real, healthy changes, that will benefit me, It's almost like I've caused another smaller hill to suddenly grow out of the hill I'm climbing, but I've put myself on this, and it is all up to me. The "hill-climbing" metaphor maybe all wrong in this context, anyway. If I start seeing it as some horrible chore, I'll probably give up. If I try to think of it as fun experiment, then I won't be overwhelmed at the supermarket, or the health shop. I will just be able to think,"Hmmm, what should I try this week?" As I've probably mentioned before, you lose so much power when dealing with an illness. If you can do anything to feel like you're getting at least some power back, then you do it. This is how I'm doing it. 

Italy fun times and other short stories

I have had a desire to go to Italy for years now. It's always been a dream destination for me. I didn't really care where in Italy I went, just wanted to experience that culture. This past week, that dream came true! I managed to get to Abruzzo with my sister, brother-in-law, and mother.

We'd been planning this trip for months. In fact, I think we probably started planning around this time last year, maybe? However, in the three months leading up to it, we were worried it would never happen. IT was pretty touch and go for a while. At one point, my sister and I were talking about what would have happened if I wasn't able to go and I said that although I would have still told them they could go without me, I would never want to them speak of it around me!

Of course, it wasn't without a few problems. When we arrived, we went to a supermarket next door, and at the point I was feeling slightly dehydrated, tired (we'd been awake since 3.30am) and walking and standing around in the supermarket, I very nearly fainted. There were also some problems with pacing myself, too. I just got so excited to explore that I would just rush ahead of my family, not remembering how tired I can get. Though I must say that these days, I can hold on much longer before fatigue sets in!

So, I did have a few issues with fatigue...Which were my own fault, really. Have I not learned? It did not stop me from enjoying myself. We were able to have experiences, evenly spaced out with naps! This trip was just what I needed. I thought I was going to go crazy if I didn't get a holiday soon. I've been on trips, of course, but I was actively doing stuff on those trips. There was lots of activity, which I did enjoy, but this holiday I truly relaxed. One evening, I was sitting on the couch in the villa, and at first I thought that what I was feeling was just weariness. Then I realised that it wasn't weariness at all. I was relaxed. Completely and utterly relaxed. I didn't allow myself to think about cancer, or any of my health problems. It was just about experiencing something new. I feel like my health is always on my mind somehow. Constantly thinking about hospital appointments, outcomes of scans and tests, blood tests, how to space out my medication during the day. It can get in the way a lot. I did not think about these things while I was away, though (except for my medication. Still had to think about spacing that out) I just tried lived in the moment, for once!

I did contemplate some things. Like changes to my diet, thinking about going back to counselling, wanting to brush up on music theory so I can be a better singing teacher one day. My mind felt clearer, so I think that led to decision making.

I did realise that I am quite an anxious person. Actually I have known this for a while, but I stopped seeing it as a huge flaw, and thought about how to overcome it. I have heard of "going to a happy place" as a mechanism, which I have always found a bit cheesy, but maybe it's not a bad idea? The villa we stayed at had a pool, and just sitting in that pool was so peaceful, and I just enjoyed that moment. That may be my happy place. I think I'll call it my "peaceful place" though, as that sounds a bit less cheesy to me.

I am back in England now, and appointments are once again on the horizon. They're a little easier to face now that I've had the holiday I was so desperate for. In the next couple of weeks I will hopefully get the results of my PET scan. They're having a big old meeting with different medical professionals, and the consultant wants to pass around my scan so they can double check the results. Yes, it's taking ages. No, I don't know why. I have, however, made my peace with the idea of going back into hospital. I still wish this was over, but whenever I get upset about that, I will just go to my peaceful place!

So I went to a support group

Gosh, it was nice to talk about how I felt and have people understand what I meant! It was nice to hear other people's stories, too. Just to you're not alone in something is such a great feeling. 

In all honesty, the leader of the group had such interesting things to say, that I am kicking myself for not taking notes. 

We did talk about diet, and they all mentioned the changes they made, and I mentioned the changes I'd been thinking of making. They all said they'd given up red meat, and I have been pondering on that since. I don't eat a lot of red meat in the first place, but I do love a burger! I also wonder how I would get those missing nutrients into my diet. (Probably with a lot of Marmite...I can do that!) A couple of members of the group said that they eat Quorn instead of red meat, but I've tried Quorn (once during a brief attempt to be a vegetarian, and then again when I was a student and found that frozen Quorn is really cheap)  I'm probably getting ahead of myself, as I still haven't managed to get an appointment with a gynaecologist, but I just like to think about what I could be doing to help myself. Gives me a sense of control.

I think they all said that they'd given up my caffeine, and that is another thing I have been thinking about since. Recently, I've acquired a taste for herbal teas, and I've fallen down a bit of a rabbit hole exploring all the different kinds! It's like a whole new world! (Is that song your head in now? I've done it again, haven't I? Sorry!)  I sometimes joke with friends about having a caffeine addiction, but there have been times when I've wondered if maybe I do have one. I had heard many times before that caffeine withdrawal can cause headaches, and just generally being an unpleasant person, and I had experienced this from *SHOCK GASP* not having a cup of tea in the morning! So that was what worried me. That, and the headaches. Then I realised that I'd gone without caffeine when I'd had that UTI a few months ago, and then again when I was having a weird reaction to codeine/suffering the side effects of thyrogin injections. During that time I drank a lot of water, so maybe I could go caffeine-free? 

Maybe I've had some grand epiphany, or a some kind of wake-up call. Whatever you want to call it, figuring out what kind of changes I can make to my diet, has felt like a nice little project. Something to take my mind off things. In some ways it is quite overwhelming, and I'm one website away from making a Pinterest board to keep all the information together! (Come to think of it, that is not a bad idea) I just want to at least feel healthier. Feel like I'm doing something other than taking medication, to be able to help myself. Also, as overwhelming as it may seem, I have people to talk about it with! Like I said, it's just nice to know you're not alone!