Apologies in advance for the rambling content

Annoyingly, I have not heard anything about the PET scan yet. I really don't what's taking so long. When I asked the nurse at the hospital how long results might take, she said,"A few days?" To be honest, I'm not sure she really knew. I'm planning to call the specialist nurse tomorrow and ask if they're on the system yet. I just hope I don't bottle it. I sometimes feel like I'm being a pain, but at the same time, I have just gone on to auto-pilot. I don't feel like I can really move forward with anything until they tell me what's going on. I'm just, in limbo. Not to mention that it's been TWO WEEKS! Two weeks since I had the scan! Get a shift on, people!

Still waiting on the endometriosis front, too. I received a referral letter for a gynaecology appointment this week and that gave me the necessary information to make an appointment. You get a password and a reference number, and then you have to call a number and they book it for you. However, at the BRI, there's no gynaecology appointments available at the moment. The woman I spoke to on the phone said she was going to give the maternity ward my information, but I still feel like I'm going to be waiting around. I don't really mind, though. I mean, I'm in still in pain (admittedly not as much right now, it just seems to serve as a painful indicator that my period is on it's way!) I just feel like the thyroid kind of takes priority.

I had read something about changing your diet. My friend said that she gave up some things, like sugar, and that really helped her. Today, another friend mentioned that there is such a thing called an "endo diet" which I might look into. I have been thinking about giving up sugar, anyway. Been thinking about it for a while now. Not even just because of the endometriosis. I get chronic, very painful, mouth ulcers. They've plagued me since I was a child, and have never been able to pin-point what causes them. However, I did figure that chocolate aggravates them, and for a while now I've been thinking that sugar does, too! I've been eating ice cream this week, and my mouth has just blown-up with ulcers! I struggled to get to sleep the other night because the pain was so bad, and I just thought,"No more!"

I know that giving up certain foods and ingredients is by no means a miracle cure, but I do want to do anything to I can to ease the pain of the endometriosis, so that I don't have to take even more medication. Also, it may not necessarily stop the ulcers, but if it meant that I could only have one at a time, rather than three or four, I'll do it! (I'm starting to wonder if the endometriosis and mouth ulcers are connected)

The best part of this week was chatting to a friend who also has endometriosis. She is the one who mentioned this "endo diet", and she goes to a support group! There is a support group in my town! They meet once a month, and I am hoping to go to the next one and just get things off my chest. I know I am not the only woman alive who has this condition, but it is still such a wonderful thing to be able to connect with others who have it. It is so so great to be able to talk about how you're feeling, both physically and emotionally, and have someone understand how you feel. Someone who can just say,"Yep, been there!" It's even better if they can say,"Yep, been there, but I did this and this, and it worked!"

These past few years, going through all these traumatic things like losing my dad, getting a cancer that won't just get out of my life, now being diagnosed with something else...I am really realising the value of friendship. How important it is to ask for help, even if that help is just in form of them letting you rant over tea and biscuits (or "whining and dining", as I like to call it) Your friends create a kind of army. Someone to fight with you. In return, I try to be a good friend to them, as well. That may sound obvious, but is easy to get self-absorbed when you go through something like this. Easy to just forget that maybe your friends are upset about something, too.

Phew, that was a bit rambley! There was me thinking I didn't have a lot to say!

An exercise in patience

I'd like to think that most of the time, I'm a pretty patient person. In fact, there's only a few things that make me feel impatient. Slow walkers...Slow internet...Traffic jams when I have a particularly full bladder and/or empty stomach. The biggest thing testing my patience right now though, is cancer. Seriously, if it were a person I would be having an angry rant at it right now, asking it why it was so slow!

I don't even really know why I'm so impatient. I wasn't really given a timeline for how long recovery would take. At least, I don't remember being given a timeline. I think I just assumed that because treatment was only surgery and a couple of rounds of radioiodine treatment, that I would be fine by now. There might be stuff still going on inside me, but I don't look ill. 

Then there's all the waiting! There is usually a lot of waiting when it comes to healthcare stuff. I am currently waiting on my scan results, as well as the referral letter for the gynaecologist. Though admittedly I am less concerned about the gynaecology thing. The results of the scan seem a bit more important! 

Going through this has taught me a lot of about myself. For instance, I have learned that I have a real complex when it comes to situations which I cannot control! (Though I think I started to learn this when my dad was ill) If I find the opportunity to have even the slightest bit of control over this situation, I take it! 

I think we all experience that frustration when we can control a situation. I do need to have some patience with myself (and maybe the many members of the medical staff I interact with) The simple fact is that I cannot always have control. It is hard lesson to learn, and one that I am learning over and over. There'll be an end to this eventually. I just have to keep holding on. 

Me and endometriosis

Since I haven't received the results of my PET scan yet,  I thought I would go off-topic for a moment and talk about endometriosis. It's hanging around in my mind anyway!

These past few days, I have not been in as much pain, and my appetite is slightly better. The pain appears to increase around my period, and trying to ease that pain involved some trail and error. Mostly error, as I tried to find a painkiller which would work. Initially, I was prescribed co-codamol but that stuff did not agree with me. I felt so dizzy and nauseated from just a couple of doses, that it really put me off taking it. Which is a shame, because it did work really well! Ibuprofen works just as well, though, and does not have the same effect on me! 

I do feel a bit inconvenienced by it. As I've said before, I'd only like one part of my body to freak out at a time. I think it is a just a matter of pain management, really. I'm not sure a change of diet could help me. I don't see how it would! I just don't want to have surgery. Firstly, they might be doing further surgery on my thyroid. Secondly, a laparoscopy is not a permanent solution. So, if I did have one, would I be having them for the rest of my life? This is a question for the gynaecologist, though. I am just waiting for the referral letter.

I do feel like it is pretty common, and that makes me feel better about it. I know of at least two people who have it, who I can call on for advice! I just haven't asked them yet...Probably out of stubbornness! I have got to stop being so stubborn and thinking I can do it myself! I simply cannot.

I won't be changing the name of this blog, though! The main focus will always be the old thyroid! (Or lack of it, in this case) Besides, Pandora's Womb sounds like a rip-off of Rosemary's Baby!  

Now then

So, the past couple of months have been pretty crazy. I had my MRI and CT scans in late May. They were all fine, because they were at St. James hospital where the staff are much more efficient. A week or so later, I got the worst UTI I've ever had! It was horrible. It came complete with horrible stomach cramps. Even when the UTI cleared up, this pain in my stomach just wouldn't go away, so I spent June trying to figure out what was going on. I'd say that during the month of June I saw a doctor every week, trying to explain what was wrong. During this time, not only were my pains getting worse, but I was finding it hard to eat as well.

Now, when I had the UTI, for the first few days, I had a bit of trouble keeping food down (I don't think this is even a symptom of a UTI. Just something my body does nowadays) When the UTI cleared up, the stomach problems lingered. I originally dismissed it as my body having a bit of trouble bouncing back. It didn't go away though, and alarm bells started to ring. The pain was hard to explain, but the doctor felt my stomach and saw me wincing, which I think was proof enough. This, coupled with my inability to eat much before getting full, rang alarm bells for the doctor, too. She wanted me to be tested for bowel and ovary problems, including OVARIAN CANCER!! Then she told me not to worry, which was useless, because I already felt like I'd been punched in the head. She sent me for an ultrasound and a blood test, and it just reminded me of being tested for thyroid cancer. Even though there were many things that could be going on in there, the word cancer was just stuck in my head, and I just couldn't help but think the worse.

 When a doctor suspects ovarian cancer, and they send you for a blood test, that blood test is looking for high levels of something called CA125. I didn't have that, thankfully, but obviously something's going on in there so I just had to wait for the ultrasound. While I was waiting to hear about an ultrasound appointment, I was also waiting to hear about the results of my MRI and CT scans. I gave the thyroid specialist nurse a call, just to tell her what was going on, but also casually mentioned the fact that I was waiting for my scan results. She managed to find the letter in the system and read it out to me. She told me that the CT scan showed that the nodule in my chest had not changed. The MRI however, had shown that there's still some cells in the thyroid area. So, I have to have a thing called a PET scan, which is like the most thorough of the scans! Depending on what that shows, I may have to have more surgery. I don't want that. I don't want any of this. I was very upset. I keep getting my hopes up, and then my hopes get dashed. I was so sure this time, and I just feel like I had every reason to think this would be okay. I was still fretting that I might have ovarian cancer, then to be told that my battle with thyroid cancer wasn't over yet, really knocked me sideways. I just knew I couldn't move forward till I got a date for the ultrasound.

 This happened late last week (don't ask me the day, life has become a blur of waiting rooms) Saturday I received a letter about my ultrasound so I spent my weekend just trying to pass the time. I don't mind ultrasounds. Of all the scans I've had, ultrasounds are the least intimidating. They're also the most fascinating to me! The worst part about this, was that I had to drink loads of water, so it was pretty uncomfortable. Despite the fact that I nearly wet myself, the scan went pretty well. The nurse who did the scan thinks (and is pretty certain) that I have endometriosis. She has no idea what my doctor said to me, so I think she was pretty surprised by how relieved I was! I asked her, just for peace of mind, if the UTI was related, and she no. I guess it was just a particularly horrible infection. Maybe I should let it go! (Sorry, if that song is now in your head. If it's any consolation, it is now in mine, too)

 You may be wondering what endometriosis is. I know I did, because I came home and Googled it (I know! I figured it would be okay this time) The good old NHS website informed that endometriosis is a condition where the lining of your womb tears away and sticks to other organs. It's not exactly treatable, but with pain relief, it is manageable. I say it's , "not exactly treatable" because there are some possible solutions, You can have surgery to remove the wayward bits of womb lining, but that does not mean that the problem wouldn't recur. You can also have a hysterectomy, but this is very drastic and I don't want to put my body through that. Not removing anymore organs if I don't have to, thank you! My doctor now has to refer me to a gynaecologist, who will face a barrage of questions from me! Mostly I will be asking for something for the pain...Unless my doctor prescribes something sooner

 The PET scan is next week, and I just kind of want to get it over and done with. I would really like only part of my body to freak out at a time, and the past few weeks and have been stressful, and really got on top of me. Hopefully, we are getting somewhere though, and I guess I have to be more patient. Both with myself, and my body. As much as I'd like to get on with life, my body is saying it isn't quite ready yet, and I have to listen to that. So, keep me in your thoughts, because I've still got a mountain to climb!