Summing up this morning in one word: UGH!

I should probably explain why that word sums up my morning. See, I went to see the consultant at St. James about having more radioiodine treatment. Now, when I read the letter which said I would be having more radioiodine treatment, I assumed that I would take the radioiodine and then go home. I made that assumption because I didn't think the dosage would be as huge as it was last June, and there'd be no need to stay in hospital. I'm not sure why I thought that, but I did. I was very wrong, indeed! 

The scans showed up some abnormal nodes, and the three options for fixing these abnormal nodes are: surgery, external radiotherapy, and radioiodine. Surgery is too risky, as it is right along a nerve and could damage my voice, and external radiotherapy has too many long-term side effects. So the only real option is radio The consultant explained it all really well, and I didn't come out of their feeling like I had even more questions like I have did when I spoke to that doctor on April 1st! It seemed much more organised this time. 

So I get why they want to do this particular treatment, I just don't want to go through with it. The specialist nurse took me to her office afterwards (she'd been sitting in on the consultation) and I just started crying. The nurse was very kind and understanding, and she tried to reassure me that things could be different this time around, because I know what to expect. I agreed, but I'm not frightened. Just fed up with it all. I feel like I'm working hard to get better, and I feel mostly okay, so why is it not over yet? I actually ended up going off on a massive tangent about all the health-related problems I've been having this summer, and she's referring me for counselling so I can offload on somebody else who's a bit more qualified to help me through it! 

I don't know when I'm going in for treatment. That hasn't been organised yet. They said mid-October, and I told them my birthday is early November so I really didn't want to have treatment then! I just hope they get back to me quickly with a date!