That one word

PATIENCE. I've said before that it is my ONE WORD for the year. I often get very impatient with myself and the situation. "Why am I not better?", "Why can't I be in the same place as some of my peers?", "When do I get my life back?" These are just some of the thoughts that have entered my mind way too often. I get frustrated, but I try to remind myself that not everybody's life follows the same timeline. I do not always listen to my own words, though. "Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind" -- David G. Allen As I have said before, my ONE WORD for this year is patience and, boy, have I been learning a lot about that word this year. I have been learning that sometimes it is okay just to wait on something. Obviously it's a good idea to seek out opportunities rather than just expect them to come to you, but I have seen that sometimes things can eventually fall into place. There's been times when I've felt like I was struggling against the tide, but lately I've just realised that I don't need to. No good comes from struggling. When I was at university I watched Letters To Juliet with my housemates. To be honest, I thought the film itself was terrible, but it is set in various places in Italy, and I remember thinking,"This film is awful but Italy is beautiful!" From that point on, I really wanted to go there. In 2013 I was lying in a hospital bed watching Masterchef and the finalists had gone to Italy. I laid there wondering if I would ever get to go there. It seemed like a pretty out-of-reach dream at that point, and honestly it probably was. Last year, however my dream came true. Eventually it came true. Even when there was a month to go till the trip I was still having doubts but, I just needed to stop struggling. I know I have said before that hard work feels good, but there is a definite difference between working hard and struggling. (If you're taking a drink every time I use the word "struggling" in this post then I am not responsible for your liver or hangover) Similarly, my dream of going on the Harry Potter studio tour came true last week. We have been trying to go for ages now, but it has never worked out. It was just as amazing as I thought it would be! That's all I can say! I am back to having voice lessons. The place that I've started going to teaches a particular vocal technique and you can also learn it from them. Given that I do want to teach singing, and I'd like to do some voice coaching for cancer patients, simply because I think it'd be good people who've had throat, and lung, cancer. They're based out of both England and America, and then I started thinking,"Well, this could be my chance to go to America!" Then, I thought,"Woah, calm down. You've only had one session." Admittedly I've been getting a bit carried away with my things in my head, and racing ahead with possibilities. At least my brain is racing ahead with positive possibilities rather than negative ones! I do sometimes struggle with the way my life is at the moment. It is always in the back of my mind that my life is vastly different from the lives a lot of my peers have. If someone who doesn't see me very often asks me,"What are you doing with yourself these days?" I know that this is a perfectly innocent question, but I sort of feel defensive. I misinterpret it as,"Why aren't you getting on with your life?" The only reason I misinterpret this question is because it is a question I sometimes ask myself, so I am wrongly believing that others are thinking this about me. There are some things happening, it has just taken longer than I would have liked. That is just how life goes sometimes. It is a tough lesson to learn, but I am glad I am learning it. "Patience is a virtue" is a saying I've always known but never really thought about. I am starting to understand it now!