An exercise in patience

I'd like to think that most of the time, I'm a pretty patient person. In fact, there's only a few things that make me feel impatient. Slow walkers...Slow internet...Traffic jams when I have a particularly full bladder and/or empty stomach. The biggest thing testing my patience right now though, is cancer. Seriously, if it were a person I would be having an angry rant at it right now, asking it why it was so slow!

I don't even really know why I'm so impatient. I wasn't really given a timeline for how long recovery would take. At least, I don't remember being given a timeline. I think I just assumed that because treatment was only surgery and a couple of rounds of radioiodine treatment, that I would be fine by now. There might be stuff still going on inside me, but I don't look ill. 

Then there's all the waiting! There is usually a lot of waiting when it comes to healthcare stuff. I am currently waiting on my scan results, as well as the referral letter for the gynaecologist. Though admittedly I am less concerned about the gynaecology thing. The results of the scan seem a bit more important! 

Going through this has taught me a lot of about myself. For instance, I have learned that I have a real complex when it comes to situations which I cannot control! (Though I think I started to learn this when my dad was ill) If I find the opportunity to have even the slightest bit of control over this situation, I take it! 

I think we all experience that frustration when we can control a situation. I do need to have some patience with myself (and maybe the many members of the medical staff I interact with) The simple fact is that I cannot always have control. It is hard lesson to learn, and one that I am learning over and over. There'll be an end to this eventually. I just have to keep holding on.